i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
