found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize