Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
