are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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