i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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