so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
