he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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