hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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