Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
