Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize