One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
