i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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