You smell like a Billy Joel song
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
