dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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