Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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