we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
