you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
