you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
worst night to have a conscience
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Randomize
