Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
