Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize