I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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