guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
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