I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am available for nakedness
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize