So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize