All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
We need a shit load of segways right now
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
