I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A bitchslap is in order.
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