did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
