Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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