I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
