what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
what day is it and did you see me today?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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