he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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