Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
please don't ironically join a cult
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