I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize