I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
