hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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