We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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