I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
