your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
