I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
