Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
