i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
