That's intense
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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