I got chris browned last night
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
