atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
