I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
