god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
