yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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