My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
