I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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