Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
