i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I need moral support for this bender
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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