I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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