Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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