i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
