What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
