im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize