You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Still dying that you shit outside
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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