Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
