what day is it and did you see me today?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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