I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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