I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
