i need an iv and a liver transplant
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
