That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
