y did u give ur computer a hand job?
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
