I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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