i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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