i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
