Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
