I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
