I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
