she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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