I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
