If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
