Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
