I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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