3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
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