Don't you send me to vm
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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