i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
