Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
