If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
organizing the empties. That sober.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
