I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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