Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize