I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
