Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
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