Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
