I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
