her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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