Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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