You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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