did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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