I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
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