Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
