I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
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