I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
