Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
