Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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