I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
