The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize