Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
