butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
