I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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