Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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