my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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