If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
