Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
