omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
