how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
