When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
