I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
